May 11, 2012

How to recognize a witch

Below you will find a series of very useful tips to keep your children safe from witches:

Image from the movie The Witches (1990)
How to recognize a real witch

  • Real witches dress in ordinary clothes and look very much like ordinary women. They live in ordinary houses and they work in ordinary jobs. 
  • They always wear gloves because they have claws on their hands
  • They are bald as a boiled egg, so they always wear wigs. Pay special attention to women who scratch their heads a lot.
  • They have large nose-holes and they can smell children from a great distance. To them, children smell like dogs' droppings.
  • Their pupils change colour and you can see fire and ice in them
  • They don't have toes but they force their feet into elegant shoes, so check for women who seem to have trouble walking
  • Their spit is blue. (Although if you get to this step, it might already be a little late for you)
Why it's important to stay away from witches:
  • They hate children with a red-hot sizzling hatred. 
  • They are known to be guilty of at least the following: strange disapearances, children being sent into paintings upon their families' walls, transfigurations (into chicken, porpoises, mice, stone statues etc.)
  • Their goal is to eliminate all children and their motto is :
One child a week is 52 a year
Squish them and squiggle them and make them disappear

Source: The Witches, by Roald Dahl

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